Tomorrow commences our Yoga Training in Houston. As I gather and pack materials for the participants—mats, shirts, DVDs, CDs, manuals, guides, worksheets, resources to share, ummmmmm what am I forgetting!?!?!?!?—I become aware of my increasing heart-rate long after I close the boxes and load my car.
What is it about meeting new people and sharing deep passions with others that creates this energy? Am I nervous? Am I prepared? Will they like me? Will I be articulate? Will I be boring? uggghhhhhhhhh can I just go back to bed!?!?!?
And as I pause and sit with these musings, I ignite a sort of mantra that has become like my own little whispering from Ganesha: be authentic.
Be whuuuuuuuuuu...?
Yes, be authentic.
You mean I'm not? Oh I'm sure I am.
Beth, be authentic.
Ohhhhhhhh.... you mean, like, well, ummmmm, be "me" (* insert nervous giggle here)?
Beth, be authentic.
Oh. That. Sigh.
For me, what "that" has become is an invitation to be present and also transparent... and I don't mean by showing up in a Lady Gaga-inspired costume (although I was her—to my 11-year-old's dismay—for Halloween).
Staying focused in the moment and also being aware and willing to reveal who and where I am at any given moment is, for me, being authentic.
Here's a little yarn to illustrate the musing. In December when we started the Yoga Training in Park City I felt awful. Whether it was the altitude, dehydration, or lack of proper nutrition, I felt nauseous, tired, dizzy, and had a huge headache. As we approached the gorgeous THE SHOP studio, I turned to my OHMazing colleague, Meredith Paterson, and pleaded my case. I then mustered the courage to ask if she would be willing to trade sections and lead the training from the start.
Now I say "muster the courage" not because of Meredith—she is a gift of a colleague and friend of paramount status in my life—but because of me. I'm strong. I'm hard-working. Dude, I can juggle and multitask like Durga on a quad latte.
Beth, be authentic.
Some days I don't feel like Durga. Or rather, I don't feel like the image of the rockin' 8-limbed goddess I admire and hold close to my heart. Yet when I sit quietly with her, I see that part of her goddess status surely came from knowing when to honor herself and rest. I'm pretty sure she knows autheticity.
Meredith of course jumped in to encourage me to take it easy, and lovingly asked what else could she do.
OMG. What else? WHAT ELSE!?!?! She already gave me the gift of being able to open, honest, kind to myself... what else is there!?!? (* insert hugs to Mere)
The group gathered. We found our foundations in a quiet sitting pose. I welcomed them. And then went authentic. Breathing deeply and exhaling fully, I explained how I felt. I apologized. I passed the baton to Mere who soared through the next several hours.
In addition to trying to surround myself with people who nurture these possibilities in me, what enables me to return to this "be authentic" place are the offerings that seem to rise like Lakshmi out of the lotus. During our closing circle on the last day participants lovingly shared that my willingness to begin our time together by revealing my self-perceived weakness enabled many of them to feel safe and secure during our time together. That instead of seeing my revelation as a sign of incompetence, they embraced it as, well, authenticity and that is, well, OHMazing.
So as I head to Houston today, looking forward to seeing Mere and meeting new friends, as my heart-rate increases with excitement and anticipation, and the voices start to question me, I will inhale deeply, turn to Ganesha riding shot-gun, and smile as I say: (ok, sing it with me this time!) be authentic.
How will you embrace and practice your authenticity today?
OHM Shanti,
Beth
___________________________________
elizabeth b reese, ph.d., ryt, rcyt
independent scholar, critic and consultant;
yogiños: yoga for youth®, founder & executive director
yoginos.com :: elizreese@gmail.com :: facebook.com/yoginos
You are crazy OOOOhhhmazing!
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